Friday, October 10, 2014

New Families

We all have that amazing experience of connection with others from time to time through life. It is truly wonderful and often too rare. Tonight I had dinner with an uncle I hadn't seen since I was 2 years old. The experience was surreal. Didn't have a dad, but I now have uncles. Better late than never.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Fall 2014 Check in

Yeah Yeah Yeah is playing on the tinny speakers of my HP EliteBook 8460p now sold under the HP, Inc. banner.

The fact that I would start with that states volumes about where I am at the moment.

Seattle, Washington in general, Hilton Bellevue to be specific.

The music and the people ... wonderful, to say the least.
A friendly, relaxed atmosphere with beautiful sunshine and spruce effervescence.

Thinking about a 5 year goal, a vision. Imagine you wake up it's five years from now. What would your ideal morning be? Give details.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Monday Weigh-in 1/17/2011 - 270.6lbs

Well, since my last post I have received great support from family and friends. Also, the time spent in the mornings focusing on what I have to be grateful for continues to help. I have been sticking pretty well to my Paleo-type eating regimen. This morning when I stepped on the scale, I weighed 270.6 lbs. That is seven pounds lighter than last week. I am sure those numbers can't be completely accurate, as it is probably a difference in water wieght, but I am happy to see the number on the scale going down again.

I will try to get measurements of my hips, waist, chest, thighs, calves and upper arms tonight. I think that will help keep me motivated as well. As part of my 2011 goals, I am doing more weight bearing exercises, so my weight may stay the same or change only slightly as my body composition changes, so I want to know if I am losing fat or not. This is why I want to measure various parts of my body.

I will soon put together a post outlining my goals for 2011.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Starting over

I read my last blog post, which I wrote the first day of November, 2010, and I drop my head in shame. You see I wanted to stop my over-eating, and find a balance. I even made the powerful statement "This shall stop now.". We it did not stop, not even close. Today is January 14th, 2011 and this morning I stepped on the scale and realized I now weigh 277.6 lbs. Wow. That is a 40lb weight increase since September, roughly 10 lbs per month. I have not stopped eating cookies or fast food like I am going to prison tomorrow. As I write these words I am filling up with sadness and even shame. Like I "know better" than to eat this junk food, and not work out. Well, everyone knows that if you eat as much as you possibly can and don't exercise you gain weight (well most of us at least). No, I have to admit that I feel shame because I thought I was "better" than that. I am a triathlete, I run 10 miles before work, I can swim over a mile nonstop and then bike and run; I, I, I.... That has been the problem. In the midst of trying to start a new company, find peace with the company I currently work for, get ready for our second child, change the way I was eating, and start exercising again, I lost sight of what is most important.
Today, I am a grateful recovering addict. For the past 4 months, I have been anything but grateful, nor have I been recovering. Instead, I have been complacent with my spiritual growth, non-existent at my home group, and completely self absorbed in most other aspects of my life. If I ignore the maintenance of my spirit, I eventually end up in a very dark place, filled with despair, fear, and self obsession, isolated from everyone and everything around me. I know this may sound melodramatic, but it is not. This really occurs in my life if I continually ignore the spiritual principles which set me free, principles such as gratitude, humility, acceptance, and grace. In my November declaration of independence from cookie and food addiction, I made the mistake of trying to do this solely on self will. When I tried to stop drinking and using on self-will, it never worked, at least not for long. Yet in the height of my self obsession, I believed I could will myself to better living. Unfortunately, for me, that simply does not work. I have only found continued success by placing my will and my life in the care of a power greater than me.
So this past weekend I called my sponsor weeping, wanting to kill myself. I was so filled with self pity and despair that my entire life seemed hopeless. As is often the case in the rooms of this 12 step fellowship, another addict saved my life. Not that I was actually going to go through with a suicide attempt, but what I was experiencing everyday at that point was not much of a life at all. No, my sponsor did not keep me from dying, at least not that day, instead, he reminded me how to live. He noted that I had no gratitude for all of the blessings in my life, that I had not taken time to help out another human being, that I only saw negative everywhere I looked; in short, he noted that I was living in the spiritual vacuum of active addiction, just with out the dope. Boy, it is absolutely amazing how powerful a dose of the truth can be when given with love. From behind the tears came a laugh. I could not help but giggle at myself as I realized it really was that simple. Recovery is not complicated, nor is life, unless we chose to make it so.

Following the suggestion of my sponsor, I take a few moments in the morning to simply sit quietly. During this time, I simply focus on what I have to be grateful for in my life. The impact this is having on my day is not short of amazing. Coming from a place of gratitude, even my poor attitude is curbed. I am able to experience my day with a touch of grace, and even look at ways that I can be of service, instead of how someone can be useful to me. It is from this place of center and perspective, that all good things in my life have come.

So this morning as I stepped on the scale and faced the real consequences of my over indulgence, I was actually okay. I am not happy with how I have let my body and conditioning go, but I know now that I am finally in the right place to successfully address the behavior and return to my life of health and vitality.

Monday, November 1, 2010

I love Cookie Dough too much...

Urgh. My wife asked me if she needed to do an intervention due to my cookie dough consumption. Seriously, I have really been pouring in the sweets the last month. So much so that I got on the scale for the first time in a month (I usually weigh everyday) and I have ballooned to 251.7 lbs!! I was down at 235-237 in late September. As I said, Urgh. That means I have gained about 15lbs of weight in a month. That can not be healthy. I went from burning a ton of calories and tracking what I ate to sitting at my computer all day everyday, not exercising and eating as much food as I could get my hands on.

This shall now stop.

By the inspiration of Carolina John over at Smoke Training I too am getting into the Racing Weight mentality. Thanks for the inspiration John! I purchased racing weight a few months ago, and followed it for a couple of weeks and saw tremendous results. So I am now doing that again.

However, there is a bigger issue here. My lack of balance has gone on unchecked and that is the real culprit. If I swing from cookie and sweets eating couch potato to uber veggie marathon man, I think I will loose weight, but not solve my long term issue.

Maintaining balance between recovery, family, work, training, rest and fun has been impossible for me the last few weeks. As I return my activity level and calorie consumption to it's normal amounts, I will seek methods to find and maintain the balance I so desire. If any of you have any suggestions, please share.


Sunday, October 17, 2010

New Venture Ends My Triathlon Season Early

Wow, so much has occurred since my last post. As you may have noticed, I have been really busy the last several weeks and have not had a chance to post. Recently I have started a new business venture with a colleague and that has consumed almost all of my "free" time. So much so that for the last two weeks leading up to the Hickory Knob sprint (and key build weeks for the Beach2Battleship Half Ironman) I have only gotten in 2 workouts. I got in a short 5 mile run and an 18 mile ride.

So I have had to alter my plans for the remainder of this year. I have decided to drop the Half Ironman from my calendar this year, and let Hickory Knob 2010 be the wrap up to my 2010 season. I actually feel better now that I have made that decision since I don't have to feel pulled in so many directions and feel like I am not putting in the effort required of each of my endeavors.

For the next week or so I will continue to take it easy on training, and then start to prepare for my first full marathon in January. Hopefully I continue to find a balance betwen family time, training, and the increased workload. Currently the plan is that in 3-6 months this new endeavor become a full time opportunity and I will no longer have to balance it with another full time job. We will see.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Weekly Weigh-in and Training Report

Week of August 29th - September 4th, 2010
This week has been draining, but in a good way. My body is tired, and I am hungry. I got in another long ride of 49 miles on Saturday with better fueling, that was a big improvement. I will be concentrating more on my nutrition during long work outs, especially bikes in the weeks to come so I can determine how to get the calories I need in preparation for the half marathon I will be running off the bike.

The numbers:
Average weight: 236.3 (down 2.6 lbs)
Swimming: 1 hour 55 minutes 33 seconds - 3800 meters
Biking: 4 hours 50 minutes 35 seconds - 82.62 Miles
Running: 3 hours 54 minutes 2 seconds - 22.65 Mi
Strength: 1 core session of 10 minutes

I think I may be running too much of a calorie deficit this week. According to my Garmin I burned 4200 calories during my long ride and I only had 2 Accel Gels (100 calories each) during the ride, and I only consumed about 2300 calories that day. Today I burned over 1800 calories on my run and I have consumed over 3000 calories, but I am still hungry. I am definitely losing weight, but I do not want to run too much of a deficit because it may be counter productive.

This upcoming week is a bike focus week, so there should be alot of big numbers for the bike. I am also going to start running at least 10 - 15 minutes off the bike every time I ride, to start acclimating my legs to it again. Bricks, how fun does that sound? I think I hear cheese cake calling my name, so that is all for now.